Friday, March 26, 2010

Untuk "Anda"

Saya sebenarnya sudah lama ingin bertanya ini kepada "Anda"

Kenapa sih Anda selalu bersikap sentimen kepada saya, seolah-olah saya adalah musuh Anda?
Semua hal yang saya lakukan Anda komentari dengan semena-mena
Mending kalau komentar yang Anda berikan membangun.
Komentar yang Anda berikan selalu membuat saya ingin membanting meja dan kursi di tempat.
Herannya Anda merasa bangga dan tidak merasa menyakiti orang lain

Kenapa sih Anda selalu menunjuk tetapi tidak pernah melihat kepada diri sendiri?
Anda memberitahu saya untuk menjadi bagian dari keluarga Anda tapi setiap kali saya -yang ngomong2 seperti landak yang penakut ini- mencoba mendekat, Anda malah menyepak saya dengan keras dari depan.
Jangan bertanya kenapa saya tidak suka Anda.
Jangan salahkan salah saya kalau kemudian saya membenci Anda.
Jangan heran kalau saya ingin terus melarikan diri dari Anda.

Kalau saja Anda berada di posisi yang sama dengan saya, saya tidak akan segan-segan bicara.
Sayangnya tidak dan sekali lagi saya ini orang yang penakut
Saya mudah sakit hati dan gampang menangis.
Nafas saya sesak setiap merasa tertekan (yang berarti setiap kali melihat Anda) dan saya tidak melebih-lebihkan.

Tapi Anda tidak tahu kan?
Anda tidak sepintar yang anda pikirkan.

Adalah sia-sia mengharapkan Anda memperhatikan perasaan orang lain.
Karena perasaan orang lain apalagi perasaan saya tidak lebih berarti dari tai di pinggir jalan yang bisa diacuhkan karena bau dan tidak bermakna.

Jadi saya akan mencoba mengacuhkan Anda saja.
Dan berdoa semoga anak perempuan Anda disakiti orang lain seperti Anda menyakiti saya (doa terburuk yang pernah saya panjatkan)


Oh ngomong-ngomong, iya saya marah.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

This Dream I've Been Having

For the last two days I had this weird dream which, strangely enough, was all lucid for me to remember even after waking up for hours *well I still remember it now*

How it was weird?

Weird thing number one : In this dream I became a guy. At first I didn't realize it was me, but after the second dream I noticed that this guy in my dream always mentioned himself as me and the way I looked at the entire surroundings in my dream was through this guy's point of view so I think it was safe to actually make an assumption that this one particular guy that has been hanging around in my dream was indeed myself.

Weird thing number two: I was suppressed by a girl which happened to be my lover. It seems that I tried very hard to get rid of her but nothing worked. I tried to get away several times but this girl always stopped me in my way and that made me miserable.

Weird thing number three: In the middle of my escape where (again) she found me and made come back home again, I happened to see a group of buffalos fighting in the middle of the street. Yes people, you read that part right. Buffalo. Right after this rather frightening sight of buffalo fight occured, I woke up silently like nothing happened.

Being someone who majored in psychology, the first thing that crossed my mind after waking up was this: What the hell does that mean? I read Freudian theory so much to conclude that maybe - MAYBE - something was wrong in my state of mind to actually have that kind of dream I just had. So I decided to look it up in the internet to find some dream interpretation and by interpretation, I mean psychological based. A lot of result that came up from my "mimpi" search by Google turned out to be superstitious-based (very Indonesian, I must say) and although it is appealing for me to also find out the meaning of my dream from the so-called supernatural context (I am a true Indonesian, afterall) I need to discover my dream true meaning in psychological context. So I found this one interesting web on the internet that would gave you a lot of insight about your dream (want to check it out yourself? click www.dreammoods.com) and by using the Dream Dictionary in this site, I manage to compile some of (supposedly) meaning of weird dream, which are...

1. To dream that you are the opposite sex, suggests that you exhibit or need to incorporate those qualities of the opposite sex. Ask yourself, how do you feel being a man or a woman? In what ways can you incorporate those feelings into your waking life.

2. To dream that you are in a fight, indicates inner turmoil. Some aspect of yourself is in conflict with another aspect of yourself. Perhaps an unresolved or unacknowledged part is fighting for its right to be heard. It may also parallel a fight or struggle that you are going through in your waking life.

3.
To see a buffalo in your dream, symbolizes survival. The dream may warn that you are go off your life path.

Well so in conclusion I think what my weird dream really signifies is this : I have the need to include some of man's characterictics (being persistent maybe? Are men persistent? Bravery, yes. Maybe bravery) to conquer this fight of life I feel approaching (and by fight of life, I mean battle inside myself) considering that right now I am completely off track! I totally forget my promise to work on hard.

So um.. that's it?

PS : forgive my poor English. I wrote it this way to practice writing in English again, the ability that I believe has disappeared for watching too many Korean movies lately :p