A Little Life Update

(picture taken from here. I always like this kind of feet walking shot. It kinda reminds me of me and my soft spot for walking. Walking is therapeutic, you know! Too bad Indonesia is not exactly the best place for pedestrian where being one sometimes equal to being suicidal)

 So.

I haven't been writing anything for a while. For someone who supposedly loves writing, I've been holding myself against writing from at least three months already. Somehow I always finds reasons not to write -  writer's block, procrastination tendency and too many kdramas to watch. But the truth is, I don't really have an explanation or justification for my absence of writing. I just don't feel like it.

I don't feel like doing anything, in fact.




My life has been monotone and routine lately. Getting up in the morning, heading out to hell office, finishing whatever it is I have to do there (which is a very polite way to say there is a big fat nothing that I do there), going back home, eating and sleeping to oblivion while secretly praying to God so that tomorrow never arrives (but it still arrives anyway. This is why I hate praying). My sole entertainment comes in the form of kdramas, which makes me feel like I'm reversing 10 years back in my life, despite being obviously older. I spent hours and hours of my life back then watching a bunch of dvds which kinda helped me improve my English but ruined my social skills. Same things kinda happen rite now, I must say, because I don't really socialize (unless you call talking to your laptop socializing) 

Oh well. You know what people say: history repeats itself.

Speaking of reversal, lately I can't shake that stupid feeling that, instead of moving forward like most people around me, I feel that my life is slowly moving backwards to the state that I had 10 years ago.  And that feeling gets even stronger with the fact I have this little plan of going back to my old campus next year (Maybe. Probably). And then I start more and more feeling like the 20 years old me - shy, timid, reserved (I always am, in the way. But it gets better as I'm older until now. The ugly side of my introverted personality somehow keeps getting bigger lately). Oh, and I met Uki - one of my bestfriend and a very big part of my college life, just three days ago after years of separation. What does it all mean? 

It might not mean anything. But you know, being me, I read too much into nothing. And then one question kinda hits me in the head. 

If my life is, indeed, going backward as I suspected, does it mean I get the second chance to do the right thing this time around (because Lord knows I did so many wrongs in the past that I wish I could undo. Here's looking at you, JOB. I'd do anything to go back to the year of 2008 and said NO to that job offer) or does it mean that I'm just stuck in one little circle of hell that keeps on repeating over and over again which basically means I'm doomed for eternity?

Gah. Me and my thoughts. 

I wish I could just stop thinking.

On to the next post!