The "Oh Shit. I'm Old" Day

(Written around 7 hours after officially being 27)

Picture taken from here. Coincidentally, the article from where the picture was taken discussed about what it is like being 30 and 'left behind' by almost all your friends. Read up. Good one (or not so good for singles)

Oh well. A couple of years ago I thought of birthdays as special occasions that needed to be celebrated differently. I usually made special plan to do something with friends or anyone available and then I also made a list of target that I would like myself to do after being one year older (albeit I never actually did something to accomplish it. The act of making the list is what's important). Generally, I would feel optimistic and happy and upbeat.

This year though, I feel differently. There is this anticlimactic feeling that I have when I realize that today is my 27th birthday. I don't feel like making special plans or anything. I am happy enough to receive congratulatory messages from family and friends but that's about it. I don't feel like going out and do something special. I can't event think of making that yearly to-do-list. All I'm doing, the first time I woke up this morning, is looking back for all the things that I've done throughout the year and suddenly one realization hits me hard and cold.  

What the fuck have I been doing? I haven't actually done anything. I spent time doing nothing for 27 years.

Okay. To be fair, I did do some things.




I went to study abroad...
But up until now, I still haven't done anything to apply the knowledge I gained there. In other words, useless.

I made one novel...
But it was two years ago and it was not even good. I haven't started writing anything else and it kinda puts me in a bad mood every time someone ask about it.

I had a steady job...
Which I hate so much that it kills me inside slowly. And the money is not even close to good. 

I'm happy being single... 
But the pressure of having a healthy and steady relationship starts to get a little bit too much. I just need one good man who is foolish enough to be with me for the rest of his life. Why is it so hard?

I have started teaching in a university...
For a subject that I don't even like (which by the way, was not what I applied for)

Physically, I'm in a good shape...
But lately I gained weight too much too fast that makes feel really bad about myself. I start having trouble finding clothes that fit. And that my friends, sucks some major ass.

I'm still looking for another job...
Which frankly, is tiring. Am I too old for this?

I have no problems of using public transportation to go everywhere...
But I'm hiding the fact that I still don't know how to drive. Shit.

I'm happily living on my own...
In a rented room. Still don't own an estate while everybody my age is starting to have their own house with kids and spouse. Yikes.



So see why I don't feel like hopping around, twirling and celebrate?
Cause today I actually feel like shit.
Oh well. Happy "Oh Shit. I'm Old" day for me.





And no. I'm not being depressed or anything.