Pelakor, Asosiasi Emosional dan Narasi Yang Salah.

Hiya, abandoned blog. I'm back.

I'm back sooner than I thought, people (source : here)

Kali ini saya akan mencoba menulis postingan dalam Bahasa Indonesia dengan beberapa alasan. Pertama karena memang sepertinya sudah lama saya tidak menulis apa pun dalam bahasa Indonesia dan yang kedua, well, sepertinya untuk topik yang kali ini jauh lebih menarik untuk dituliskan dalam bahasa Indonesia.

Kalau ada satu kata yang belakangan ini sering digunakan oleh banyak orang di Indonesia, khususnya perempuan, kata tersebut barangkali adalah Pelakor (kalau tidak salah sih singkatan dari Perebut Laki Orang. Am I right?). Dari kepanjangannya sudah cukup jelas bahwa istilah ini digunakan untuk menggambarkan sosok perempuan yang menjadi orang ketiga dalam hubungan atau rumah tangga orang lain. Tentu saja, istilah pelakor mengandung konotasi negatif sebagai perusak rumah tangga dan by association, pelakor banyak dihujat, dihindari bahkan diwaspadai.

Tapi jujur, penggunaan istilah pelakor membuat saya terusik dan tidak nyaman. Bukan, bukan karena saya adalah salah satu pelakor yang harus dihujat dan diwaspadai (News flash : saya tidak punya hubungan romantis dengan siapa pun saat ini. So I'm not being defensive here), tapi lebih karena asosiasi emosional dan narasi yang muncul ketika istilah pelakor ini digunakan. Nah, asosiasi dan narasi inilah yang membuat saya merasa amat sangat tidak nyaman. 

Maksudnya bagaimana?

(source : here)

Jadi begini. Ada banyak sekali teori dalam dunia psikologi yang bisa digunakan untuk menjelaskan psycholinguistic dan word association atau asosiasi kata. Tapi untuk membuat hidup saya dan siapa pun yang membaca tulisan ini (which probably none) menjadi lebih mudah, mari menerima pemahaman yang sederhana bahwa kata apa pun yang digunakan di dunia ini memiliki asosiasi tertentu dalam pikiran seseorang yang memahami kata tersebut. Contoh ketika seseorang menyebutkan kata Rinso, maka asosiasi pertama yang umumnya akan muncul dalam pikiran kita adalah deterjen. Atau ketika seseorang menyebutkan kata Honda, maka asosiasi pertama yang muncul dalam pikiran kita adalah sepeda motor. Dan begitu seterusnya.

Sama halnya dengan Istilah pelakor yang kini ramai digunakan. Ketika kita menyebutkan kata ini, asosiasi pertama yang barangkali muncul di kepala adalah perempuan, diikuti barangkali dengan kata jahat atau tidak bisa diampuni - asosiasi yang barangkali memang benar adanya. Tapi justru inilah yang membuat saya tidak nyaman. Kenapa? Karena, kalau mau jujur, kejahatan yang dilakukan oleh seorang "pelakor" bukanlah kesalahan yang hanya jatuh di pundak si pelaku perempuan. Kesalahan yang sama juga jatuh di pundak pelaku laki-laki. 

Tapi kenapa, KENAPA ASOSIASI NEGATIF YANG SAMA TIDAK DITEMPELKAN PADA LAKI-LAKI? Penggunaan istilah pelakor seolah-olah menempatkan sebagian besar kesalahan di pundak pelaku perempuan dan mengecilkan kontribusi pelaku laki-laki dalam kejahatan yang sama. 

Which, for me, is WEIRD AS FUCK. 

What the fuck is this sorcery? (source : here)

Salah seorang teman saya kemudian berkata: "Menurut gue sih Dith, kenapa perempuan banyak menyalahkan perempuan lain dalam hal ini adalah karena sebagai perempuan, mereka seharusnya lebih memiliki empati terhadap sesama perempuan. Sama kayak kenapa PNS lebih banyak disalahkan kalau nilep uang atau kenapa kalau aparat berantem sama orang sipil, pasti aparat yang lebih banyak dihujat"

Hm. Masuk akal.

But, here's what I think : Ketika PNS atau aparat melakukan kesalahan dan menerima hujatan atau serangan dari masyarakat umum, hal tersebut sebagian besar terjadi karena pegawai atau aparat negara memiliki kewajiban secara LEGAL (dan tersumpah di hadapan Tuhan) untuk menunaikan tanggung jawab tertentu yang LEBIH dari masyarakat sipil, termasuk di antaranya menjaga ketertiban umum dan menjaga integrasi institusi, bangsa dan negara (I know this for sure because I'm a civil servant and they made me swear for it). Tapi apakah logika yang sama bisa diterapkan dalam kasus perselingkuhan? 

Apakah perempuan memiliki kewajiban untuk menjaga perasaan perempuan orang lain? Bisa jadi. Tapi pertanyaan saya berikutnya adalah : apakah laki-laki tidak memiliki kewajiban yang sama untuk menjaga diri sebagai bagian dari komitmen hubungan yang dijalani bersama pacar atau istri? Apakah kewajiban dan tanggung jawab laki-laki tersebut sebagai pasangan LEBIH KECIL dari kewajiban perempuan untuk menjaga perasaan perempuan lain, sehingga wajar kalau perempuan lebih disalahkan ketimbang laki-laki? Can somebody answer this for me?  

Seriously, though. Can somebody really, really answer this for me?

 

What is going on here really? (source : here)

Asosiasi yang berat sebelah inilah yang membuat saya merasa tidak nyaman mendengar ramainya penggunaan istilah pelakor. Kenapa? Karena semakin sering istilah ini digunakan, semakin kuat asosiasi bahwa kesalahan perselingkuhan sepenuhnya melekat pada diri perempuan dan buat saya pribadi, ini tidak adil. Sama tidak adilnya ketika ada orang yang berkata bahwa perselingkuhan terjadi karena istri tidak bisa melayani suami di rumah. Sama tidak adilnya ketika ada orang yang berkata bahwa perselingkuhan terjadi karena istri tidak bisa memberikan apa yang dibutuhkan suami. Sama tidak adilnya ketika ada orang yang berkata bahwa perselingkuhan terjadi karena laki-laki tidak bisa menahan godaan atau kenyamanan yang diberikan perempuan lain di luar rumah. Sama tidak adilnya ketika ada orang yang berkata bahwa laki-laki hanya laki-laki biasa - tidak bisa mengatur urusan yang terjadi di bawah perut.

Do you see the point I'm trying to make here?

Intinya, semua salah perempuan. Baik istri maupun pelakor. Why blame men when you can blame women?

And I hate this kind of narratives, logic, association or whatever.

I hate this (source : here)

     

Make no mistake though : saya tidak membela pelakor karena what these women do are ABSOLUTELY WRONG. Tapi penggunaan istilah pelakor dan asosiasi emosional yang muncul dari istilah tersebut memunculkan sebuah narasi yang, buat saya, salah besar. Sebuah narasi yang menggambarkan pelakor sebagai nenek sihir bertanduk yang menggunakan seluruh pesona kecantikannya untuk menggoda laki-laki yang tidak berdaya. Sebuah narasi yang memindahkan kesalahan perselingkuhan dari sang bawang putih yang tidak bisa apa-apa di rumah, ke tangan sang bawang merah yang penuh tipu daya. Sebuah narasi yang menggambarkan laki-laki sebagai makhluk yang tidak bersalah dalam skenario perselingkuhan karena bawang putih tidak memuaskan, sementara bawang merah terlalu menggoda. Sebuah narasi dimana, apa pun alasannya, pihak yang bersalah tetap perempuan baik itu istri maupun pelakor - sementara laki-laki bisa melenggang kakung dengan leluasa tanpa beban. It's the worst narratives ever. 

Fuck that narratives.

Fuck that and all the unfairness in the world (source : here)

AND DON'T GET ME STARTED WITH ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP WITH UNDER-AGES. 

((THAT WOULD BE ANOTHER ANGRY BLOG POST)) 

Si Mbak

(who, in the future, refuses to use the word pelakor. Ever)

(because really, I hate bad narratives)

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32 Going On 23 : So Many Questions To Answer

Hello abandoned blogs! 

(source : here)

One quick story first. So after abandoning this blog for almost one freakin year, this blog finally retaliated on me just now and decided to give me a little scare earlier by not giving me any access to it since I am now using a new device (my old laptop, that I usually used to access my blog, has stopped working couple of months ago and since then, I have never used this new laptop to access my blog. Thanks to that, Google stubbornly refused to give me access to the blog since it did not recognize this device and I could not access the email address I used to sign up for this blog). I swear, I almost cried 😭 I mean, I know this is not some kind of major blog that is actually useful for me in anyway (you know, other than this being one of my media to self deprecatingly whine about my life) and I write very rarely here (I believe I only write here one time this year), but this is like the only blog that I actually use and come back from time to time since 2010 and the thought of letting this one go after all those years and all those thoughts and all those writings to make another blog and start writing again kinda freaked me out. It's kinda similar to waking up with an amnesia and having to start building your forgotten identity from the scratch again (maybe. I don't know. I have never had amnesia in my life before)

But I finally found a way to access this blog again and here I am! 

Phew. 

Okay, let's get back what I want to write.

I don't actually have any important things to write as nothing important is going on in my life (as per usual) but I figured that I have to somehow kick start my brain into working after being in a snooze mode for so long. There are a couple of things that I need to do in my near future and I kinda need my brain to work properly and in order to make that happen, I need to warm up my brain and force myself to focus and concentrate and do something with my laptop other than watching too many videos or reading too many drama recaps. Hence, this blog post. 

But then, what to write? Again, I have nothing important to write because I literally have nothing going on in my life that could be super important. I'm not even in one of those somber mood I usually have to whine about my life and do nothing about it. So after spending a couple days wondering what I could write (and don't get me wrong. Spending a couple days wondering what to write does not mean that I am being totally serious about writing. It just means the thought about writing only comes intermittently between watching videos, reading drama recaps and working), I decided to write a little something out of respect to my birthday that took place almost a month ago. I am now officially 32 years old.

Writing my own age kinda gives me the chill. I am old 😝

How it feels to be old (source : here)

But here's the thing, being old does not mean I have it all together. On the contrary, my life has never possessed so many existential questions that keep haunting me every single days like now, waiting in the back of my mind for them be solved or answered in some ways.  I usually ignore all these questions altogether (a decision which would backfire on me from time to time as it usually keeps me awake at night), but I figured I should just try to formulate some kind of responses towards those questions for once and write it into a blog post - a birthday reflective journal, if you'd like. 

Without further due, here are some of those questions: 

1. How does it feel to be 32?

You know, it actually feels weird.

For real (source : here)

Truth to be told, I have never imagined myself being 32 before. When I was way, way younger (like, still going to high school younger), the oldest I have ever imagined myself being was 27 years old. And like any other high-schoolers, I imagined myself to have a bright blinding future by the age of 27 with house, marriage and children to boot. Of course, I have none of that at the moment 😛 I have never once imagined myself being 32 years old as a government employee with small salary still living in a rented room in Jakarta with no career, marriage or dating prospect in the horizon. And this is where it gets weird because, well, I'm okay. I feel okay. Being 32 is okay.

Hello there, young little shits (source : here)

Of course, I have concerns (many of them) and there are things I need to start thinking about seriously because time waits for no one and I have to keep my life priorities straight. Of course, all of these adult stuffs sometimes keep me awake at night and refuse to let me sleep peacefully. Of course, sometimes I feel insecure about myself and life in general and compare myself with many of my friends that seem to have their life figured out. Of course, there are some life decisions that I regret and make me wish that I took science class more seriously so I could have built a time machine to fix all my past mistakes. Of course, my current self is still not the best I wanted to be and there are things I wish to change but despite all of that, I still feel okay.

(or at least that's what I've been telling myself to get me sleep at night 😂)

My reality (source: here)

I guess, as many things in life, being older has both its downside and upside. You can just google all the downsides (slowing metabolism, fear to get out of comfort zone and adult acnes are REAL!), so I'm just going to talk about the upsides. For me personally, the biggest advantages of being older is probably the fact that it kinda calms me down, emotion-wise. Growing up, I have been struggling a lot with social anxiety/social fear (am still not completely sure how to name this thing I always have as I have never once been to a psychologist) and there were times where things got so much harder. But I guess, time really does help and with each of life experiences I gained along the journey, I think I am getting better and better at handling social situation or interaction which used to give me a hard time before. I'm not saying it's totally disappeared as it's going to be a part of who I am (even now) but being older kinda helps me to put a lot of things in perspective and helps me moving forward one step at a time so much better. So cheers to being older.

Shake it like you're old (source : here)

2. Do you want to get married? Why are you not married?

The ONE question everyone and their parents wants to know 😜 You know, I used to answer 'sure' every-time someone asked me this question. My parents want me to get married, almost all of my friends and everyone else in this world are married so marriage sounds like a surefire thing to do in the future. But here's the thing - I did think about this question seriously one night and my mind got really murky because I could not completely and sincerely say for sure that I want to get married. I mean, yes I do want to get married sometimes but the reasons behind this wish are mostly practical in nature. In my mind, marriage has a lot of things to do with property ownership - I need to be married because I desperately need someone to share mortgage with or own property together because it's dangerous for a woman like me to be living alone. Plus I need someone to fix the lamp, bathroom and the kitchen because my mind cannot be bothered to worry about plumbings and all that jazz. And it would be so much better if my spouse can drive.

But that's not what marriages supposed to be, right? I mean, marriages are supposed to be about love and affection and commitment. Otherwise, all those roles I just mentioned can just be filled by someone who gives bigger salary, security officers and drivers respectively.   

This is where it gets really confusing for me because truth to be told, romantic feelings are something that I'm not entirely sure about. The best way I could explain this is by saying that marriage is like any organization or company in the world - you need to have certain characteristics to fit in into the culture or the concept of marriages. Thus, there are some people who are compatible to the idea of marriages and some people who are not (yet?) compatible. And one of the most prominent characteristics probably the ability to initiate romantic feeling which personally, still a completely uncharted territory for me so I do have this niggling suspicion that I belong in the latter category.

Romantic feelings? Gross (source : here)

Furthermore, I also believe, at the very least, marriage requires advanced communication and social skills which is still a work in progress for me. I mean, building a healthy and functional relationship requires me to be brave enough to put myself out there in the world and experience all different things that this beautiful world could offer but the prospect of talking to strangers have been and, still is, a struggle for me. There, I put it in writings for anyone to read - I am too awkward to build a healthy romantic relationship 😝 In addition to being socially awkward to a very painful degree, my insecurities and my tendency to overthink does not help my case either. To be completely honest, I have never been in any serious relationship for as long as I have lived. Sure, I did have dates (and even a couple of dangerous dates that could get me in serious trouble. As serious as being disowned by my own family) but none of those dates meant or sparked something for me. For now, there are always walls between me and any prospect of romantic relationships because I cannot, for the love of God, completely trust any human beings in this world.

Note that I write human beings because this is an important point that I am going to be talking next. Me not being married has nothing to do with my sexuality. There, I said it.

Strangely enough, I have received many questions/accusations of some sort about my sexuality (most of the times, people suspected me of being gay), which has always been both amusing and perplexing at the same time since, well, how does being not married have to do with sexuality? I mean, there are people with different sexual orientations in this whole wide world and those people have no problem building romantic relationships (yes, plural) and even get married! This is why every single time someone suspected my sexuality, I'd just looked at them and wonder - how does one get so stupid? Like, seriously. How is it possible for someone to be that stupid?

Dummies. Dummies everywhere (source: here)

So yeah. Being single has nothing to do with sexuality. I am just way too pathetic and have problem connecting romantically with anyone in this world.

Well, maybe not the flashing (source : here)

3. But seriously though. Do you want to get married? 

More than just wanting or having desires to be married, the concept of marriages kinda makes me curious because it would take a very special person to be able to encourage me to step out of my shell and convince me that I'm able to build a healthy, functional and romantic relationship with that particular person. I have never met anyone like that before so it kinda makes me curious in so many levels - what kind of person he would be? Would I be able to meet him in this lifetime? Or have I met him before and just passed him because of my shortcomings as a human being? Would I ever stopped being so insecure and anxious in life and be someone that are marriageable? Would marriage make my life better?

I really have a lot of curiosity in life and marriage certainly is an interesting mystery. 

I am so curious yeaaaahhhh (source: here)

4. How do you see yourself in the future? Say, five years into the future? 

Now this is an interesting question. And a terrifying one because really, I don't know. This is the kind of question I constantly ask myself and since the answers never present themselves immediately, this question becomes one of the biggest burden on my shoulder and keeps me awake at the night. In the last five years, I have been avoiding this question continuously by putting myself firmly in the middle of stupid comfort zone where it gets me literally nowhere. I know, more than anyone, that I have to stop running around in circles and do something about my life because time waits no one.

Time to change!! (source: here)

In regards to that, I do have several things I wish to do in the near future. 

First of all, work. I've been working as a government employee for the last 10 years *gasp* and my current workplace is certainly not going to be nominated as the best workplace ever in this lifetime. The atmosphere there is absolutely toxic and for me personally, the worst thing about working there is that there are so very little opportunities for self development or career advancement because if you have no one to back you up, you will always end up in the bottom of the food chain. So I definitely need to move away from there - either by moving back close to my parents, finding another opportunity to study abroad or finding another place to work outside the government. 

COMING SOON (source: here)

Secondly, study. I've always been a studious person in nature so I've been looking around for another opportunity to study (hopefully, abroad). I've had several next study options in mind - either business intelligence or further study in psychology to get my psychologist degree.  So yeah, definitely looking around for the next exciting opportunity to study.

Thirdly, writing. Just like everything in my life, I have been putting writing on hold for the last five years. I think the last time I've done serious writing was like, I don't know, four years ago? Other than being stuck in the comfort zone, I guess writing has become really complicated for me as there's this unspoken pressure that I give to myself to publish another books.  I'm scared that my next work is not going to be good enough and that there would be no publishers wanting to publish my works anymore. 

But five years is a very long time to stop myself from writing and I've been missing writing so much. Regardless of whether my next work is going to be published commercially or not, I really want to get back to writing and build so many fictional worlds. I'm going to start this soon. Very soon. 

What to write what to write (source: here)

That's about it! Phew. 

I finished one post!!! Celebrate!!!! (source: here)

Cheers,

Si Mbak. 

  

   

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A Quick Life Update : One Random and Honest Talk

(Source : here. I tried to link it to the original source as mentioned on my Google source but it won't let me open so I just give the source for the Google Image)

This is one post that I'm not sure I'd like to write because let's face it : 

What's there to update? I mean, my life has been really boring this past two years (going three). The only explanation I can offer is that this comfort zone that I am currently in this stage of my life has been so comfortable - too comfortable that I feel reluctant to even think about leaving the zone and start something else entirely. And then one day, you just suddenly realize that time has gone by so much that everything about and around you has suddenly gone different.

Not that I don't have chances to do so, mind you. For the last two years, you'll be amazed how many opportunities in life I consciously decided to just pass through for the sake of staying in the comfort zone, be it scholarship, job and writing opportunities.  But what scares me the most at the moment is that I have literally no regret over letting those chances away and actually enjoy over doing nothing for the past few years (enjoy is probably not the most appropriate expression to use here as it implies that there is a sense of satisfaction in doing whatever it is that I am doing. In reality, I don't necessarily feel satisfied about my state of being. I just do it because it's there to be done so for the lack of better words, I just use the word enjoy). I am not sure I can offer any explanation about this even if I want to - sure, I can always make up excuses, a very good one to convince you that there is a proper explanation behind me being lazy and totally not productive if necessary (something that has do with mental issue and whatnot) but there are times when I wonder whether those excuses are really justifiable in regards to whatever it is that I have going. From times to times, I do suspect that those excuses are probably just bullshits I made up to cover the internal shame and guilt I have for abandoning myself to this point of no return.

So in this age of sensory overload where everyone seems to have something interesting to do, people to meet and places to be judging for their social media updates, I'll just be honest and tell this to the world : that I don't have anything interesting to do or people to meet or places to be. My life literally consists of routines that I used to despise and avoid - surprisingly enough, those routines are now what keeps me going in life. Which, we all know, can be both a blessing and curse (I have a feeling that it's mostly curse).

So that's about it. My life update in the second month of 2017 (and how is it already the second month of the year? Time flies is really an understatement. More like flashes)

And if anyone asks, if I have a plan to do something about it, the only answer I can offer is I don't know. 

In the meantime, lemme just watch my dramas (source: here)

But there are several highlights things in my currently super boring life that I should talk about: 

1. My out of shape body. Since I have been neglecting life and being lazy in the past few years, my body unintentionally becomes the direct victim of my lazy lifestyle. Currently, my weight almost hits the same weight I had during college and that's the biggest I have ever been in life. It does not do good for my confidence but since this is not the first time I am being overweight, I am handling it pretty well. I've been having this dilemma more often though - should I get new clothes that fit me better or should I just get another gym membership and eat better? I'm pretty sure that the better answer is the latter but in the mean time, until I get the motivation to do so, I'll be on the hunt for bigger, looser outfits that will make me look good despite the weight.

Still need to catch up on the tattoos (source : Pinterest)

2. My skin went berserk. Last year, my skin was finally clearing up (well, as clear as it can get with this problematic and sensitive combination oily skin I have) and I can finally enjoy the feeling of having a face that I don't feel embarrassed about. This experience, unfortunately, does not last for a very long time since my curiosity got the better of me and long story short, I decided to sacrifice my clean skin to test out a couple of much-raved beauty products out there and lo and behold, it led to the ugliest adult breakout I ever had. I totally forgot that what works for most people probably won't work on me because every single part of my body has made a pact to go against my will. It's better now but I'm still dealing with the repercussion of my experiments. You name it, I bet I have it - bumps, pimples, whiteheads, blackheads, hyper pigmentation on both my cheeks (which is annoying to me because my right cheeks has always been relatively clear from acnes before. And now it's ruined! Ruined!), the largest pores on the nose that people can fall into and generally more sensitive skin which is evident from all the redness that can be seen every time I took off my makeups and wash my face (I'm planning to talk more about my skincare experiment on another blog post. Let's see about that later)

Happens to me every other day (source: Miss Malini)

And for all of you who will tell me to stay away from make-ups because it's not gonna help, here's a word of advice back at you: shut up. If you're not dealing with my type of skin and anxiety issue that I have, you won't know how important it is to actually put on makeups every single days. Also, I'm actually not an idiot since I do read and google stuff on a daily basis so my decision to put on makeups is a very conscious decision despite knowing very well that it is actually bad. In short, I know what I'm doing and unless I ask for your opinion, your opinion is most definitely unwanted. 

(Disclaimers : my next point is quite personal and admittedly, is still very difficult for me to write. But writing has always been cathartic and I wanted to write this so I just put the writings in a different font color to keep it hidden but revealed at the same time. If there's anyone who reaches this point of the post and still wishes to read it, just highlight the section and you'll see my next point)  

Read on your own risk - well, there nothing risky. It just shatters your perception of me, if you ever know me (source: here)

3.  This just happened like few hours ago but during my ride to the coffee shop where I write this post, I had another moment that I recognize as "pre-anxiety thoughts" aka those negative thoughts that will always go downhill and turn on my anxiety. I was considering to just return home immediately and cancel my plan today to write on the coffee shop since my gojek man called me "Ibu" and I had three new flaring pimples near my nose and my outfits made me look very fat and I think I wore a wrong shade of a very dark lipstick that called for unwanted attention from people around me. I don't want to face people so I planned to go home as soon as I arrived in my destination

And then another thought just popped right away. 

Why should I care about what other people thinks about me? Why do I keep wanting to impress people that I won't ever know in my entire life anyway? Why it matters for me to have a young and pretty image, while I am not really one anyway? Seriously, self. Why?

Strangely enough, this sudden thought (realization?) especially the question why it matters kinda put the kibosh on those negative thoughts and I went to my destination a bit more confidently than usual. I am probably mistaken but I'm pretty sure that I just did a bit of cognitive behavioral therapy on my own. Of course, my anxiety issue is not going to be gone just because of one time win but as someone who has been dealing with anxiety for 30 plus years, moment like this is  pretty satisfying. 

So that't is. A quick life update that is actually about nothing. Here's hoping that I will have more interesting thing to talk about in the future. 

Si Mbak.

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K-Drama Review - The Bleeding Heart Edition : Moon Lovers/Scarlet Heart Ryeo Review

Hiya abandoned blog! (Told ya, I’m gonna make this one my trademark opening line)

(source : The Tonight Show tumblr)

So I’m back with another Korean drama review! (Also, I just realized that my last blog post was also about another Korean drama review. What did that say about me?)

(Don’t say it)

Moon Lovers - Scarlet Heart Ryeo Official Poster

Oh Moon Lovers. Where do I begin?

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K-Drama Review: Cheese In The Trap

Hiya, abandoned blog! (I might as well make this my trademark opening line)

Gosh. I have so many things to talk about Cheese In The Trap, the one special Kdrama that has just ended its run last week. And if you're as much a Korean drama aficionado as myself (again, I'm not sure who am I talking to), you know exactly why Cheese In The Trap prompts talks and discussion around the fandom. For me personally, watching Cheese In The Trap has been a roller coaster ride of emotion in the span of 16 episodes - from slight crush into full blown love which turns into bitter disappointment and then ends with resignation. And since I have so much to talk about, I think it'd be appropriate to split this post into several different section. 

Let's talk about why I love the drama first (SPOILERS AHEAD. MANY, MANY SPOILERS)

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Super Late Post : A Quick Trip to London!

Hello there abandoned blog!

(I might need to say this every single time I start writing a new blog post because who knows when will I able to finally have the time and motivation to just freakin sit down and write something. There's something really wrong with me lately, I swear. On to the post!)

So last September, a weird thing happened to me. I flew to London and stayed there for two whole weeks! Heh. 

Okay, officially I went there because my office wanted me to join some kind of short course program. But that's exactly what's weird about the whole thing.  For seven years, my office has never realized the fact that I was rotten and aged inside and then all of the sudden, they found out that I'm alive and offered me a chance to fly halfway around the world to actually study something. If this is not a miracle, I don't know what else to call it.

Weirdness aside, I was super excited to finally went somewhere that I've never been before and as usual, I totally planned to write something about my short trip to London. But then life happened and I totally forgot (Pfft right. Like I have a life. More like I'm totally lazy and preoccupied with all the kdramas that I have to watch so the writing has to be postponed for a little while). But here I am, ready to crack open my brain and collect what little memory I still have on my short London trip. 

First thing first, GETTING A VISA. 

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Quick Review Galore: Part Deux!

Oh hi abandoned blog.

I'm back. Sort of (source: fallontonightgif tumblr)

So after spending months wasting my life doing nothing productive (no really. I'm not even kidding. There were times when I just spend almost 24 hours lying down in my bed doing nothing but staring at ceiling like one of those mental patient. Except there wasn't anything wrong with my mental)

(Or was it?)

Anyway here's another quick review galore of some of the things (well, three to be exact) that have been accompanying me during my slump time (in no particular order):
 

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Weekly Babble #2 : The Short Haired Girl Who Misses Her Mom

It's time for another weekly babble!

(source: babble.com)

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Rage Review: Kingsman The Secret Service

So I watched Kingsman The Secret Service yesterday and found it extremely fun and hilarious (complete with colorful multiple head-blowns because fun is obviouly not complete without any head-blowns) but (spoiler alert!) that last exchange between Eggsy and Princess Tilde threw me off the guard and totally ruined what was going to be an A+ movie experience for me. I already have a problem with the persistent old trope of "man will get a sexual reward from woman after saving the world because you know, hero!" but that scene (which is totally unnecessary to the plot, by the way) is obviously man-driven and man-centered.

Okay, here's why I found that scene offensive and stupid (to say the least):

Princess Tilde is an amazing woman who refuses to be a part of this movie villain's major scheme to destroy the whole world and  her refusal lands her in the villain's prison. To have such a great woman character with great moral principle offers a sexual reward out of the blue for a stranger under such stressful circumstances (audiences know he's the hero but what does Princess Tilde know? He's still a stranger who shows up unexpectedly in front of her while being locked down), reflects a major character inconsistency. I know Kingsman is an action comedy movie and it does not take itself rather seriously, but comedy still requires character consistency, don't you think? Or should I just throw my brain out of the window? 

Not to mention, Eggsy is groomed to become a GENTLEMAN. A freakin gentleman who takes advantages of the situation?!! *flips table*

And then, Mr. Vaughn has the audacity to call that last scene empowering because it shows how it's the woman who offers sexual rewards, instead the opposite.

No, Mr. Vaughn. You offer the sexual rewards to Eggsy by using Princess Tilde and turning her into your laughing stock. If you stick to your character, to your own story, to your own plot, to your own logic, there is no way Princess Tilde offering that sexual innuendos in that problematic scene and there is no way Gentleman Eggsy would take advantage of distressed Princess Tilde in such a way (Manner maketh man, remember?! *flips table again*). You have empowered her so much with huge bravery on the first part of the movie, only to attenuate everything in the end and incites my rage. Frankly, I can't think of any better words to explain the scene other than misogynist.

Look, there are good things about this movie. It's fun. There are Colin Firth and Mark Strong who lures me (and all the ladies) in.

But then that scene happened and all I wanted to do was throw my popcorn to the screen.

I thought I was the only the one who felt this way but there are other people who thought the same (here and here are the two examples. They talk about the problematic scene more eloquently than I do and point out some great points in the movie that I missed. Have a look).

Overall, this movie was a great ride until it forgot its manner, ruined everything and left me with a bitter aftertaste.

Manner maketh man, Mr. Vaughn. What does this make you?


Si Mbak.  

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Weekly Babble #1

(Source: thoughtcatalog)

So. 

I decided, on a whim just now, to use my blog more often since this blog has been so neglected that once in a while, I forget that it even exists in the first place. Someone asked me this question once: why don't you write more often? Don't you love writing? 

Well, I do. I even make some money out of writing. But the thing is, writing has not yet become a part of my daily life, something that I always look forward to when I start my day. I write only when I feel like it - not the best habit to have if I ever aspire to become a writer. But so far, up until this second, writing has always been something of a waiting process for me: I wait for that right moment to arrive or rather,  I'm waiting for the energy inside me to build-up until all those energy gets to the point that everything explodes and I find myself surrounded with words that won't stop flowing from my head into my hand, which is always a delightful process. Again, I realize that I need to change my writing habit into something more regular but I still find it really hard. Every time I try to write something when it's not the time yet, the result is less than satisfying and it always ends up on the recycle bin. Not to mention I'm always easily distracted by my external environment which also has an effect to my writing (ie. I've always stopped writing whenever someone comes nearby which is often whenever I try to sneak writing time at the office). 

So then what should I do to make myself visit and write here more and hopefully, help me change my writing habit into a better one? 

And then I just thought, well I need to force myself into it. I should just make one regular personal post every week about anything I would like to talk about every week! (which hopefully is going to become something regular. I'll try my best. I promise) (Okay, I'm bad at commitment or keeping promises. So let me rephrase that last sentence: I'll really try)

So on to the post!

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Playing Doctor: Berdiri Terlalu Lama dan Tekanan Darah Rendah

Playing doctor time!! 

(source: cracked tumblr)

Sejauh yang bisa saya ingat, saya adalah salah satu manusia yang  memiliki tekanan darah cenderung rendah (low blood pressure). Secara umum, tekanan darah sehari-hari biasanya berkisar sekitar 100/70, dengan kisaran tertinggi (yang saya ketahui) tidak pernah melebihi 120/80. Fakta ini sebenarnya tidak terlalu mengagetkan, mengingat kedua orangtua saya pun memiliki tekanan darah rendah.

Walaupun angka tensi saya cenderung rendah, saya nyaris tidak pernah menemui masalah dengan tekanan darah rendah. Saya malah sering bingung sendiri setiap kali periksa darah dan menerima pertanyaan seperti:

"Sering pusing-pusing nggak? Sering mau pingsan nggak?"

Er, no. Sering pengen tidur sih iya (which is why low blood pressure has always been my go-to excuse to explain make my oversleeping habit looks a bit cooler)

Intinya, hingga setua ini, tekanan darah rendah bukanlah sesuatu yang mengganggu kehidupan saya sehari-hari kecuali pada saat-saat tertentu (misal: ketika saya berdiri terlalu cepat setelah duduk atau berbaring, biasanya saya akan sedikit kliyengan. Tapi ditunggu sebentar semuanya akan kembali normal). Tapi belakangan, saya sepertinya menemukan masalah baru terkait tekanan darah rendah yang saya miliki. Masalah tersebut, tak lain dan tak bukan adalah berdiri terlalu lama tanpa bergerak.

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Book Review: Attachment by Rainbow Rowell

Rainbow Rowell has officially shot up into my top three authors-I-aspire-to-be list (In case anyobody wondering, JK Rowling still holds a tight rein to her number one spot in my list).

I've been liking Rainbow Rowell's writing style for quite some time now - most of her story revolves around moments in daily life that might seem mundane and light at times, but she has this ability to put extra layer of feeling under everyday moments that makes every element of her story feels earnest. I first heard of Rowell from Outside Seoul's tumblr, in which she often raves about one of Rowell's book, 'Eleanor and Park'. Intrigued, I decided to head to one of the local bookstore nearby to buy the book and found out that the book was totally worth the rave. Admittedly, it's not a book that I totally fall head over heels in love, but 'Eleanor and Park' is something that I'd definitely recommend to my fellow book lovers. The book, which tells an adorable love story between two teenagers who often feels left out by their surrounding world, is refreshingly witty and surprisingly touching. Rowell gave me such a great impression that I had absolutely no doubt on buying her next book: 'Fangirl'. 

I talked briefly about this book on my previous blog post, but 'Fangirl' further cements Rainbow Rowell's position in my heart. The best thing about Fangirl, of course, is the introverted lead heroine, which reminds me so much about myself (to the point that I thought Rowell was writing about me although, of course, we live halfway across the world and she definitely does not know that I exist). Bottom line is, Rainbow Rowell has become the name that I certainly look for in the bookstore. And last Sunday, I found her debut book in my local bookstore: Attachment. Surprisingly, this book changes my whole opinion about Rainbow Rowell. I no longer like her; I LOVE her. My love for her has exponentially grown in a drastic speed. 

Why? 

Because this book is about MY LIFE.

Okay, let me start this from the beginning. 

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Tentang Sepasang Sepatu

Suatu hari, ketika saya sedang iseng menyempatkan diri berjalan-jalan ke sebuah pusat perbelanjaan di Jakarta Utara karena sedang suntuk (which, unfortunately, happens a lot lately), saya melihat sepasang sepatu yang menarik perhatian saya. Saat itu, saya memang berniat mencari sepatu baru yang nyaman untuk dipakai berjalan kaki jauh menyusuri rute kostan baru-kantor yang cukup panjang. Sebagai gambaran sederhana, setiap harinya, saya menghabiskan waktu kurang lebih lima belas menit untuk berjalan kaki dari kost menuju halte Transjakarta terdekat, lima menit untuk berjalan kaki dalam halte transit Transjakarta yang panjangnya bukan kepalang seperti ular naga dan lima menit lagi untuk berjalan kaki dari halte Transjakarta menuju kantor (Dan jangan lupa waktu yang harus saya habiskan sambil BERDIRI MENUNGGU/TERGENCET DALAM BIS. HOLY MOTHER OF EVERYTHING THAT IS HOLY. Oh, dan ini baru perjalanan berangkat kantor saja. Belum lagi waktu yang saya habiskan ketika pulang di sore hari, haha. Kenapa tidak mencari kostan yang lebih dekat? Karena saya gemar menyiksa diri).

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Mengejar Pintar atau Nilai Bagus?

 

(sumber: serious insanity)

Ada dua kejadian kecil yang menarik perhatian saya minggu ini.

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The Annoying Introvert: The One Who Won't Stop Talking Once They Think They're Okay (And The One Who Stops Talking The Very Next Minutes)

So my last blog post kinda spurs some interesting reaction from people around me, which kinda encourages me to write another blog post which revolves around introversion and panic/anxiety attack. Yay! (See? Once I talk, there's no stopping me from talking. Haha)

There are some misconceptions about introversion and panic/anxiety attack which I noticed from those reactions and I kinda feel the need to address those. Some of those misconceptions are:

1. A friend: "I think I'm an introvert too. Lately, I don't like being around the crowd and I'm not as cheerful as those extroverts anyway."

Okay. Hold your horses.

(Source: Yarr.me)

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QUICK REVIEW GALORE

I have this little habit of pretending to be a critic and making reviews every time I read or watch something.  I usually type a brief review with my phone after I finish reading or watching something with the intention to post it later in this blog. However, since I have this chronic laziness to re-write and edit every drafts made on the spur of the moment, not every drafts then made into blog posts.  Today, I have decided to compile some of those short reviews and share it here (The coherent ones with complete sentences, at least. Those with unfinished sentences and random unexplainable words such as "Blergh" or "Buh" will stay forever in the draft folders of my phone)

Let the quick review galore begins (in no specific order)!

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A Little Life Update - August 2014

(Prelude: Gawd. My brain is an obvious mess. I can't think straight and currently I am forcing myself to write again.  I am forcing myself to concentrate and move my fingers and write something.  Anything)

So here I am.

You know, if someone decides to take a closer look at my life this past seven months (going eight, this month. Which reminds me that in the next 2 months, I will be officially 29 years old. Yikes), they might see absolutely nothing. This is the year of nothingness for me and I have accepted those fact with literally no hard feeling. However, the niggling feeling that I ought to do something -anything- about my so called life is still hanging above my head and I might have to do something about it sooner or later.

Maybe later (and I'm back to slapping myself again to commit to something. ANYFUCKINGTHING. Gosh)

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Agree To Disagree Edition: Pakaian, Objektifikasi Perempuan dan Rape Culture

Salah seorang teman baik saya membuat postingan blog singkat nan menarik yang mengingatkan saya pada salah satu draft blog saya sendiri yang sudah lama tersimpan (you might not believe this, but I have a bulk of blog post drafts - most of them written as my way to procrastinate because I dont want to do my real jobs. Wait. Do I have a job? *snicker* Enough rambling!)

Inti dari postingannya sederhana saja: bahwa ia tidak sepenuhnya setuju dengan jargon "Don't tell us how to dress but tell them not to rape" Awalnya, ketika saya membaca postingan ini, I was like: "Yeah! Totally agree!" (pada saat itu, sayangnya saya melewatkan kata "tidak 100%" yang ditulis di awal paragraf, yang baru terbaca setelah saya kembali membaca postingan ini untuk kedua kalinya. Kalau saya sudah membaca dari awal, mungkin saya tidak akan menyatakan setuju. Because well. I don't agree.). Namun saya langsung mengrenyitkan dahi di akhir postingan ketika ia menyebut bahwa (and I paraphrased here): "Ingin berpakaian dengan baik karena tidak ingin menjadi pemicu"

And my brain came to a screeching halt. 

 (source: Real Madrid CF tumblr)

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A Guideline to Talking Nice

Nah kejadian lagi kan.

Let me start this blog post by saying this:

It's never OKAY to talk about someone's physical appearance without being asked for! God! 

ARGGGHHHH!! (source: Reluctant Femme)

Mau tahu kenapa? Alasan lengkapnya bisa dibaca di sini (or just simply scroll down. It's easier) but I'll give you a shorter version: BECAUSE SOMEONE MIGHT GET ANGRY.

Or in my case, write something about it in public space. Because I'm such a shameless attention seeker, like that.

Jadi begini ceritanya (yang baru saja terjadi dalam hitungan jam yang lalu):

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